That's more like it

I want more games like that one. More games where my biggest complaint is that most of the goals scored were deflections and strange bounces, so we didn't get to see Datsyuk deke the shit out of Turco. Again. And again and again. Actually, someday I plan on compiling a video collection of The Detroit Red Wings Making Marty Turco Look Foolish and burning it to dvd. Oh man, I would watch that everyday.

Someday Marty Turco is going to have a nervous breakdown, come to Detroit, and try to set Joe Louis Arena aflame. You'll see it on the news, and tell your children I remember; I was there.

And they were the most delicious curly fries I have ever eaten

I almost thought the Arby's Curse truly existed. I remember reading somewhere that last season was the Wings' first hat-trick-less season since sometime in the mid-70s. Craziness.

Also craziness - Chris Osgood still has... whatever it is he's got. I don't know why fate is constantly conspiring to keep Ozzie a backup goalie.

And we're playing Dallas on Wednesday. A game against Dallas can get real ugly, real fast, even without a rookie goalie and a team riddled with injuries and illness. Especially now that Marty Turco thinks he can just waltz into Joe Louis Arena and win games.

Which is why we've sent our father, who's in Texas this week on business, on a secret undercover mission to sabotage the Dallas Stars.

So far he's had strong words with three people who look sort of like Mike Modano, and egged Steve Ott's next door neighbor's house.

We should have hired a professional.

Nothing to say on a Monday night

I don't know why I'm watching this game. Versus is terrible, Marty Turco is a whore, and Skank the Turtle plays for San Jose now. And I really hate watching any game in Dallas, because at the end of each period their arena announcer goes "OOOONNNNNNNEEEEEE MINUTE!" like a total ass. It's the most obnoxious one-minute countdown in the entire league. Typing it really doesn't do the irritating-ness justice.

Brad Stuart is supposed to be back on Wednesday. Until told otherwise, I'm assuming this means the defense pairings are back to how they were before he got injured. It could give the team a boost.

On the topic of Goalies: Tyfus will start Wednesday against the Sharks, and Ozzie will be back in against the Kings Friday. Jimmy Howard was sent back to Grand Rapids Sunday, where he played a pretty solid game against the San Antonio Rampage, except for maybe the last few minutes. But I'll give him some credit because driving the two and a half hours on I-96 to get from Detroit to Grand Rapids in the middle of winter is horrible, especially if you're just getting back from Minnesota.

On top of all this, there was no way that he or the rest of the team could have fed off the intensity of the crowd, seeing as Van Andel Arena was filled (using the term 'filled' loosely) with elementary schoolers singing the Sponge Bob Square Pants theme song (I may or may not have joined in), and ladies there only to see Aaron Downey. (and by "ladies", I don't mean like - "hey, ladies!", I mean ladies like your best friend's mom. The one who made really good casserole, and owned a lot of purses full of coupons and mints, and had you zip your coat up before you walked the twelve feet from her door to your car. Van Andel is swarming with them. And they all wish they could make casserole for Aaron Downey. I sort of love them.) Anyway, crowd or no crowd, the Griffins won. Take that, Phoenix Coyotes primary AHL affilate!

Can you tell it's kind of a slow day for Red Wings news?

Ken thinks it's Downey Time

And so does the crowd at the Joe. That part was spectacular.

Watching Marty Turco get tripped up by his own guy behind the net? Having Lilja score on him? Also spectacular.

The rest of the game, not so much.

I watched it with Lindsay down the hall in my building, where there's a big screen television next to the laundry room. This means that not only did we have to sit through that ridiculousness, but we had to do it while we were dodging the dirty looks of every frat boy wannabe folding his boxer shorts, group of friends coming upstairs with pizza, and family lugging their kid's crap to the elevator and out for an early weekend. And there were a lot of them.

I was hoping that my excitement over Hank signing a contract that won't expire until I'm 34 would fade at nothing, not even the skanky hos on Dallas being skanky hos.

But my heart sank as soon as I saw who was officiating this game. I don't know what the Red Wings did to Dan O'Halloran. Maybe Mike Ilitch killed him in a past life. Maybe Lidstrom ran over his dog. Maybe Maltby egged his house.

Maybe Homer egged his dog in a past life. I don't know. Aside from actual orders from Bettman to be a biased goober (which I can't rule out), that's the best I can come up with.

And then Turco decides to be a whore and win the game.

I'm not going to mince words here. I genuinely do not like the guy. And I like goalies. I like them a lot. Marty Turco is where I draw the line. I had a really crappy day today, even before the game started. Marty Turco's shit-eating grin during his unnecessarily lengthy post-game interview (thanks, FSDetroit) DID NOT MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER.

By the end of the first period, I was already stuffing my face full of brownies and on the phone with my mother, bitching about the officiating and the imminent ruination of Turco's perfect Joe Louis record of Fail. It was like hockey was a douche of a boyfriend who was cheating again. But am I going to take him back? Of course I am. So are you. Oh, you'll say it's the last time you let it toy with your emotions, tell all your friends you're sick of its abusive games, but in the end, crawling back to it's the only thing you really know how to do.

Oh baby, I'm sorry. Please, please take me back!

And it will, Saturday afternoon, where it will either buy you a diamond necklace for your birthday, or sloppily make-out with Alex Ovechkin while it knows you're watching. Better break out the Ben and Jerry's..

Blargh....

I keep a file on my computer that reminds me of things I love about hockey. Someday, the 4 minute minor (successfully killed) that Chris Osgood incurred by trying to kill Slut Ribeiro after already taking a 2 minute puck-playing minor will have a place of great prominence. Today it's a painful memory.

Today, I'm not doing so well, because my happy thought was going to be rising save percentage, but Ozzie wasn't even a .90 for the game, so I'm basically ready to print off a picture of Marty Turco and deface it.

Dial-Up internet should be illegal

So we're back from winter break hiatus. It was a good break; Detroit improved their record a bunch and definitely showed Chicago who's boss in the Winter Classic. If you happened to miss the game, Hulu has the NBC feed posted.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/51948/nhl-capitals-at-devils-010109#s-p1-so-i0

It's listed as a Devils-Caps game, but I swear it's the Winter Classic. Staying on the topic of the Devils, Shanny is coming back! It's not to Detroit much to my sister's dislike, but just so long as we don't play them in the Finals I think she'll live. It's only in the verbal agreement stages now, but it's a start at least.

All-Star Game update: The only thing good I've been able to find about this whole ordeal is Pavel's thoughts.

"I think Hossa said 'I don't want to go,'," Datsyuk said. "Maybe without Hossa no go, I'll be fastest player on ice."

On to less happier things:
Tonight's game.

It's always fun to play Dallas, even if the Wings lose, because they never fail to make Marty Turco look foolish. Let's reminisce a little:


Beautiful. Too bad we couldn't see it again tonight.

Anyway, if you can get over the fact that the Wings blew an early lead to Dallas and look on the bright side, they still get a point, and Ozzie got his revenge on Mike Ribeiro. If you didn't see the high-sticking I'll keep looking for a video but Ribeiro was pretty busted up. Darn.

EDIT
I found the video!

-LoFFeN1987

bahahahahaha

peace. love. hockey