The boys are back in town

Well... they're back in Denver, anyway.

I'm not going to try to do any kind of Olympic wrap-up. Mostly because both Lindsay and I are still trying in vain to figure out how we're supposed to live our lives now that there aren't 8 hours of curling televised a day.

And a little because HOLY CRAP THE RED WINGS ARE PLAYING AGAIN ALSDJFLSKDJF.

And WE HAVE ALL OUR SWEDES BACK.

And HALF OF THOSE SWEDES SCORED GOALS.

amen.

- After literally more than a full year, Andreas Lilja made his triumphant return to NHL ice. I missed him, and his shot-blocking, and (in a sick and twisted sort of way) almost missed his laughably questionable defensive choices. Welcome back, Lils. I'd say start kicking ass, but that's how we lost you in the first place so... just welcome back then.

- I wonder how many Wings fans joined the Pepsi Center faithful in their booing of Todd Bertuzzi every time he touched the puck. (I mean besides Mike Petrella.) (And in case you had no clue what the hell was going on, here's the gist.)

- You know, I don't really feel like it's been a real Red Wings game until there's been at least one goal called off thanks to Homer's ass. (Not that I blame the lack of goal on Homer's ass. I'm pretty sure Kelly Fraser and Craig Anderson were the only people in the universe today who blamed Homer's ass for anything. And you can't really count Fraser, because I'm also pretty sure he blames Homer's ass for everything from flat tires to being out of strawberry ripple ice cream to John F. Kennedy's assassination.)

- Dear Versus: This whole "unfairly using Darren McCarty to make me hate you less" thing? Um... well... it might be working, but that excuses neither your video replay issues, nor your toolishness. But a solid B- for not being NBC. Keep working on it.

Were the Wings perfect tonight? No. Were they healthy, did they get two points, and did they beat the Avs in Colorado? Yes. So I have nothing more to say.

Darren McCarty makes everything better

Well, that was a... game. I guess. But I was probably setting myself up for disappointment. I've had this hope since October that when Franzen took to the ice again for a game there would be a flood of relief, a big flood, like the kind of flood that sweeps houses away and causes billions of dollars in property damage and untold emotional pain - the kind of flood where the government steps in to provide aid and talks about passing some kind of budget bill allowing for the funds to start building levies so it never happens again. Like one minute you're walking down the street, and then you're like "hey, what's that noi-" and then you're under like 20 feet of water. Relief water. Delicious relief water.

There was no sudden flood of delicious relief water. There was like... a relief water drinking fountain. And there was a line.

And now I'm cursed with the burden of having to compare every mustache I see for the rest of my life with The Mule's epic nose-beard.

I shouldn't be excited about the Red Wings "at least getting a point". Last season I was peeved when the team had the audacity to need to go through overtime and a shootout to beat St. Louis. Yesterday when they hit overtime, there was a fist-pump. And on top of everything, we had to watch the ridiculousness on Versus.

Except I think I can deal with Versus if Darren McCarty keeps being there. Franzen's return only reminded me of how injury-fucked this season has been, so Mac was really the high-point of the night. He seemed a lot more relaxed than the first time he showed up on Versus, and he broke rule number one of unbiased commentating when he proclaimed his undying loyalty to The Organization.

Also, he giggled like a fifteen year old boy when Bill Patrick said "Speaking of enormous loads...", which really made me feel better about giggling like a fifteen year old boy myself. And might have made me giggle harder.

Let There Be Vikings.

If you haven't already heard, Jonathan Ericsson will return from a knee injury tonight against the Hurricanes. With this, the Wing's Swede count increases to three. THREE. I remember a time long, long ago when Detroit had seven Swedes on the roster...



...Oh wait, what was that? Seven? Really? This season? You mean 2009-10?

Yeah. There was a time when the red and white of the Winged Wheel and the blue and yellow of Sweden's flag were practically synonymous. I miss those days.

Speaking of international hockey, a couple days ago it was released that Brian Rafalski was named alternate captain America.




He's a defenseman, so the bulletproof shield is used to... stop pucks... or something... I don't know. There was a point in my life when I was on MS Paint, meticulously cutting around a Red Wing player's head, pixel by pixel, so I could copy/paste it onto a comic book character's body, and it occurred to me that I probably shouldn't think far enough into these things to actually come up with backstory for what Alternate Captain American Brian Rafalski uses his superhero paraphernalia for.

Sadly, that day predates this blog by about two years.

Who else felt like the US Olympic roster was subtitled "let's see how many current/former New Jersey Devils we can fit on one team"? There were less Swedish Wings in Torino.

Which brings me back to the whole point of this post, which was supposed to be: I miss our Swedes.

blegh

Well, that was a depressing weekend. The Wings lost all 4 of the possible points they could have skated away with in two games against Dallas and Chicago.

I honestly stopped paying attention during the third period of the game against Chicago. I don't know if it was just the game, or it was a combination of the game and the season, or if it was all of that and this wicked caffiene headache (lack of caffiene headache?) I've been nursing most of the day, but at some point around second intermission, I had lost the will to live. The Wings were playing that way too. The defensive coverage was bad, the goaltending was questionable, and the offense was so horrible that it was nonexistant.

On the bright side, there's only about 50 more days until Franzen comes back.
(I might have just vomited on my keyboard after typing that. I don't think I can handle this season anymore. It's just too ridiculous.)

Rejoice - The Wings Have Won!

And then despair because this team seriously can't play a game without somebody limping out early.

when we've cleared out all the Griffins, do we hit the Walleye next?

If the last few games are any indications, Thursday against Tampa Bay is going to involve Brad May scoring a hat trick and at least one player leaving the ice unable to return. I'm not making a guess on which one - I've already lost $10 on Darren Helm this week.

Anyway, it probably angers the hockey gods to bet on player injuries. Andreas Lilja technically won me fifteen dollars last season, but Lindsay refuses to pay up until it's been determined that my winning the bet didn't actually end his career.

Some thoughts on tonight's game:
- My mom spent every second of Kris Newbury's first penalty berating him like a child about doing stupid things his first few seconds on the ice, but when he came out of the box and scored out of nowhere, she got real quiet, real fast.

- Actually, I like Kris Newbury taking penalties if they're all going to result, directly or indirectly, in the Red Wings scoring. I hope Babs sends him out there every shift with the order to hook, trip, grab, slash, and hold everything that moves.

- If you want a cheap laugh, remember what Kris Newbury's face looks like in real life, when he was skating around tonight, and then take a gander at his Griffins roster pic. I mean, he looks better than the in-game picture in person to begin with. The roster pic... he must have insulted that camera's mother. And I know I'm not imagining it, because I overheard two 12 year old boys having a serious conversation about it at a Griffins game.

- I don't really want to think about Jonathan Ericsson right now. At the end of the game, the announcers were hoping it would just be a contusion, but Lindsay saw Mike Serven's (via twitter: @mserven) frame-by-frame of the moment of impact and said it looked pretty bad.

But we got two points! (in regulation, even) so for now I'm happy.

This is a gross season.

You never want to use injuries as an excuse for losing games (in fact, you see hockey players yelling at members of the media for trying to), because good teams find ways around adversity.

At the same time, no amount of yelling on Kris Draper's part is going to bring back Dan Cleary any sooner.

I looked down the Wing's roster today at all the little marks for day-to-day and IR, and if it hadn't been this season's Red Wings I was looking at, I would have laughed until I peed. The only reason I'm not calling injury bullshit on the universe is that, to my knowledge, none of them involved banana peels, sexual escapades, extended chase sequences, or any other three-stooges-type comical accident. So maybe that's where you'll find consolation - the team's just unlucky, they're not actually cursed.

Or maybe they are. Maybe some psychopath Blackhawks fan bought a bunch of Red Wing hockey cards, tied them up with black thread, knotted it seven times, wished a wish of fail over it and stuck it in their freezer (which I have totally never done to the Penguins during the finals).

Yeah, so that's the story I'm going with. "Trisha, can you explain the Wings' lack of offense and responsible defensive coverage against everybody and their mom this season?"

"Voodoo."

Immediate counter-measures are already underway.

Trying to go for three in a row

Tonight we're going to see a match-up of two teams limping through injuries.

For the Red Wings, this means limping harder than last time, because Brian Rafalski's out with... a worrysome back.

In his place, Wings have called up Griffins blueliner Jakub Kindl. Say hi to the people, Jakub.

huh?

Last season he had 6 goals and 27 assists in Grand Rapids. He is two hundred and ten pounds of pure unadulterated awesomeness*.

*Actual purity of awesomeness will vary. Contents may settle during shipping.

He's been pretty good with the Griffins the last few years, and I'm excited that he's getting his shot, but... I'd be more excited if the Wings had less injuries and more wins on the season.

The Oilers are at 9-14-4 right now, unless I utterly fail at counting, but assuming your team is going to beat someone just because they've won more games so far is setting yourself up to weep bitter tears of anguish into your pillow at night. The Wings lost their last game against Edmonton in a come-from-behind-to-toy-with-your-emotions shootout which took place at approximately four in the morning eastern standard time. I think Darren Helm scored his first regular season goal that night, even though CBC still hasn't recognized him for it in their Kia Fantasy Pool (stop being dicks, you guys, I saw it happen).

And unless Mike Babcock's been changing his mind last minute again (what? no, that never happens...), it'll be Howard in net again tonight.

Let the ridiculousness commence. Go Wings.

And things go from bad to good to worse

Well, the Wings managed to come out of that game with two points after giving up a 2-0 lead and forcing it to a shootout, which was sort of awesome because lately I just expect a ridiculous loss every time they step out onto the ice (it's hard to be disappointed when you keep expectations low). It was really nice seeing the Eurotwins back in their usual form. More importantly though, they came out of it with only five defensemen.



According to the Detroit Free Press, Kronwall will be out a minimum of two weeks with a sprained MCL. Wonderful.

This is the sort of thing where I'm not exactly sure where my opinion lies. On the one hand, the homer in me wants to call Ultimate Foul, ban Laraque from the league and put the Wings on the man advantage the full 60 minutes of our next eight games.

And then, rationally speaking, I don't really think there was any intent to injure, at least not injure seriously - hockey is by nature a dangerous game of centimeters and sometimes millimeters, where huge men go barreling across giant sheets of ice with knives strapped to their feet, knocking into each other at high speed, and not everyone can always pay attention to where every part of everyone else's body is at any given time, let alone the sticks they all carry, or the little fleck of rubber they send at each other in occasional excess of 100mph - unfortunate accidents happen (especially this season, it seems). And part of me is willing to just let this one go as an unfortunate accident. I don't really care if Laroque gets a suspension - I just want Kronner back.

Still. He didn't have to stick his leg out. He'd already just knocked Helm in the teeth - he didn't need to try to trip anyone. And now we're out another guy, for god only knows how long. Ugh. Laraque. You unclassy, whorish bastard. How dare you.

At least he's not out four months. I guess.

Puketastical (Link Updated)

I know that all signs point to this season being back-weighted on wins - surely we'll get more production when Filppula and Franzen come back from injuryland - but right now the statistics say that the Wings are on track to win 41 games this season.

And I'd really like them to aim a little higher than that.

The really frustrating thing is that they're not playing like complete shit in every game they lose, but they're losing them anyway. I feel like beating my head against a wall.

But I'm not allowed to hit walls on purpose. I crack enough drywall unintentionally.

To distract yourselves, go read an article about hat tricks and curly fries that yours truly was interviewed for.

So about this game on in a half an hour...

Pretty much the only thing I look forward to less than the Wings playing the BJs is the Wings playing the BJs when their roster is being quickly chopped to pieces by highly contagious Random Exploding Leg Syndrome and Albertan Swine Flu.

I've sort of been in a sleep-deprivation-induced haze the last couple of days, and as such, have nothing more to say about tonight's game.

But hey, look who we just picked up on waivers. Drew Miller's just the kind of scoring touch the team really... oh. Oh, nevermind. But we can put him on the roster and only count half his salary towards the cap, right? That's how waivers work? There are three things I never really bothered to learn in high school, and the waiver system is one of them. (the other two are mathematical proofs and how to apply eyeliner without poking myself in the eye, in case you're wondering.)

I scored a goal for the Leafs tonight

... didn't everyone?

I suppose, if I had power over these things, that I would have picked a different game to honor Steve Yzerman and Dan Cleary to score goal 100. One where the Red Wings didn't lose 5-1, and go down another forward because Jason Williams broke his leg.

If I were a better blogger, I would have diligently watched the game with my eyes glued to the screen so that I could break down the Wings' play period by period and explain to you exactly what went wrong, but around the third goal against my team, I usually start to zone out and hope that if I just don't look at it directly, it isn't really happening. Like if I don't watch the end of the game or check the scores online, the Red Wings won't have lost. They won't have won, but they'll never have lost. The more games go sour, the more I have this urge, and the more I have this urge, the more I'm convinced that Schrodinger was a hockey fan.

If you put a gun to my head and told my to think of something positive, I'd beg you to pull the trigger say that at least I got a good giggle out of watching Jonas Gustavsson stand next to Ted Lindsay and Johnny Bower to accept his player of the game award, because of how outlandishly tall he looked next to them.

And I'd make a bet on the next forward to get injured but the last time I bet on player injuries, I won five dollars and Andreas Lilja still isn't back in the lineup.

That's not even the worst game the Red Wings have played in the last year. Why does it feel like it was the epitome of gross, and the end of the world besides?

That game made me smile

Alright, before I completely geek out about everything that was awesome about yesterday, let's recap the holy-crap-not-so-awesome:

- Jonathan Ericsson appears to have caught the flu. Thanks bunches, Edmonton.
- Jason Williams tried to take Brad May's eye out last night; he should be fine, but that was a little scary, and logistically, we don't need another man down.
- Not a single kid showed up to my front door as a Red Wing last night. Back before I went to college, Halloween was good for a solid McCarty or Shanahan and two Yzermen, at least. How disappointing. There were a couple Tigers, but it's just not the same.
- Filppula still has a broken wrist, Franzen still has a gimpy knee, and yo mamma so ugly, she on long-term IR cause the coach don't wanna look at her.

But hey, the AWESOME:

- The Red Wings won a game! And more than that, they won a game where they didn't blow a lead, didn't have to switch goalies mid-way to wake the team up, and were, for the most part, defensively responsible. To quote probably the entire rest of the internet, they looked like the Red Wings again out there. (I don't think they ever stopped looking like the Red Wings though. The organization's been around for more than 8 decades. They still looked like the Red Wings last week. Just... maybe the Red Wings of the 1970s or something.)

- It's really nice to see Brad Stuart score on a team that isn't the Red Wings. You have to understand, I like the guy. But did he realize last spring that Lilja was going to be out for a while, and took it upon himself to unleash a string of did-he-really-do-that? so long that he would take up the responsibility of fan scapegoat? Because that's what it's been looking like. Not last night though. Last night earned him back his spot in the middle of the popular kids at the cool table in the lunch room.

To the ancient Celts, Halloween was the start of the new year, a time to chase away the ghosts of the past year (literally and figuratively) and turn over a new leaf. Are the Red Wings living out this tradition and finally finding their way as a team? Or was last night just a shining bright light of greatness amid what will turn out to be a dark season of fluky injuries, heartbreak, and inconsistent play?

That's an awful thought. Let's hope for the former.

Game today (and probably a little bit of tomorrow) vs not Jim Balsillie

The little break the Wings have been on since Saturday has felt like an eternity. It's like the off season all over again. I guess on the plus side however, Pavel hopefully has had time to heal from his "cough shoulder sprain cough" and will be back tonight to play the Coyotes in Phoenix. In honor of the first of the season, let's break down the pros and cons of west coast road trips -

The Good:
1. Laughing when the Hockeytown West shows up in droves and out-cheers the home crowd.

2. ... Yeah, pretty much only Hockeytown West.


The Bad:
1. Having to stay up until 2am even when we don't go into an endless shootout against the other team. (Seriously. I'm young, and I still have the sleep schedule of a 20 year old college student, but when I have to have two cups of coffee just to make it to pregame...)

2. No Mickey Redmond.

3. Too much Larry Murphy.

4. Have I ever mentioned that Jim Balsillie's name reminds me of either some round-shaped, Sesame Street-themed, Playskool toddler toy, or something that Family Guy fans would spend three hours giggling at? It used to make me break into hysterics at a mere moment's notice, but lately the joke has been wearing pretty thin and something worries me that tonight we'll be hearing it enough times for me to develop a nervous tick.

5. (and what might be the worst of them all) No more laughing at Gretzky dropping f-bombs from the bench on camera because his team just let Brett Lebda get a hat trick.

No major disrespect meant to Wayne, but I really used to look forward to that.

Sigh. This is what we have to live with until Halloween...

Go Wings.

Disappointing like whoa...

I've read that Joe Sakic was Matt Duchene's favorite player growing up, and consequently found himself rooting for the Avs. Matt Duchene grew up around the same time that we grew up.

The rivalry years.

So you have to wonder if, after rooting so long for the Scoring on Chris Osgood Show, it was extra special that his first NHL goal to made him a part of it.

I'm going to say that had Pavel Datsyuk been in this game, he would have scored. And if Mule had been there, since he likes scoring on the Avs so much, he'd have scored twice. (I contemplated actually keeping track of the games I thought the Wings would win if Franzen was in the line-up but didn't, but it would probably be every game the Wings lose for the next four months, which is unrealistic.) So I'm not faulting the Wings in this. (I'm faulting cruel fate and unmerciful hockey gods.)

The thing I have an issue with... ok, fine. Win the game. Sure. Tie the score a thousand times. Whatever. Be a complete and total whore.

But do you really have to hump Ozzie's face, McLeod?

Yeah, that's ok - Ozzie's coppin' a pretty big feel there himself. Hopefully it makes Cody feel a little dirty later.

A nice change from the ridiculousness of Tuesday

because Tuesday was an awful game. I don't know where the Red Wings were on Tuesday. Not in Buffalo. Maybe HSBC Arena had some kind of wonderful cotton candy for sale, and the Red Wings were all distracted by the smell. I don't know. I wasn't there. I could only watch, horrified, as the entire month of February 08 flashed before my eyes.

At any rate, tonight's game was much better. Not perfect, but better, and with Franzen and Datsyuk out of the line-up, for the moment, I'll take better. Hopefully an ugly loss was what they needed to shape up and this whole winning thing will continue to be a pattern they follow.

But this post wasn't really intended for me to be borderline-condescending toward a hockey team that's done nothing for as long as I can remember but spoil me rotten - this post is to remind everybody that Nick Lidstrom is President of the Universe.



Fo' sho'.

I might rather have lost

Well, as Scott pointed out in the comments, not all the vikings are very happy today - Johan Franzen is out for at least four months with a torn left ACL.

I would say that the possibility of the Eurotwins being reunited on the top line is the silver lining to this cloud, but that's sort of like saying "I hope they serve cake in prison."

To put this in perspective, if he misses exactly four months to the day, and is back for the February 9th game against St. Louis (and raise your hand if you actually think it'll be four months or less... anyone? Anyone? Beuller?), he'll miss 55 games. I might have actually burst out laughing when I came to that number. It was laugh or cry. I mean, how do you respond to news like that?

You know, the Olympics are in just over four months. Has anybody called Sweden to deliver the bad news?

Summer posting

First of all, I have to ask - does anybody else feel like they know too much about Nick Lidstrom's testicles? Because I feel like I've thought more about Nick Lidstrom's testicles this week than I've thought about meal planning and the fall of the Michigan economy combined. I mean, I'm glad they're ok and all, but... damn. To think, all this time I was worried it was his knee again.

Anyway.

I know there are blogs that spend the summer making regular posts about... like, the New York Islanders' off-season moves, or whatever happens to hockey when the hockey goes away, but this probably isn't going to be one of those blogs.

Don't get me wrong, we won't disappear. There's the NHL Awards, the draft... 5,000 news articles about Sidney Crosby and classless Wings fans that sound like they were written by 13 year old girls... so there'll be things to say about that, for sure. But we'll probably be pretty scarce until the 09-10 season starts up for reals. Unless something randomly interesting happens in August, like last year when Tomas Holmstrom accidently took the Stanley Cup into a Swedish gay bar.

We'll for sure be posting something if Petr Sykora goes to a gay bar.

And so it begins (or does it continue?)

The Stanley Cup finals have finally started, and with that the world has jumped on the hockey bandwagon. Every other feed on my Facebook homepage says “Go Wings!” Newspapers are posting hockey news on the front page. Even youtube.com is jumping on for the ride. I’d ask where these people are the other 351 days a year, but I know the answer.

They’re watching football.

As tonight’s game came to a close, I started racking my brain for a word to describe it. Unfortunately, no such word exists, so a long string of adjectives will have to do. It was stressful, gross, fast, amazing, ridiculous, exciting, and above all, (what else?) pukey. But the Wings came out with the win, and that’s all that matters in the end. It was great having Nick and Fabio back on the blueline, and it will be even better when Pavel finally gets healthy.

How long has it been now? Maybe in my brain three minutes without Pavel Datsyuk just feels like ten years, but I’m almost ready to call complete bs on the “bruised foot” thing. Whatever it is, it needs to go away soon; I want the Russian-on-Russian deke-battles I’ve been dreaming of.

Now, onto things that make me irrationally angry. DENNIS-FREAKING-LARUE. Who let him into the Stanley Cup finals? Wasn’t it enough fun last year when O’Halloran ref-ed every other game? It’s a miracle that the Red Wings didn’t end the first period with two game misconducts, five fighting majors for standing too close to Sidney Crosby, and down by nine goals.

But the Wings deserved that win. They killed off two back-to-back penalties, had the better goaltender, and just all out played a better game. I’ve been hearing that all three of the goals they scored were lucky bounces, but clearly these people didn’t see the goal from Justin Abdelkader. He knocked it out of the air and then put it in the net. That doesn’t sound like a lucky bounce to me.

At the rate they’re going, Crosby and Zetterberg are going to end up scheduling a full on cage match for the off-season. The last thing I want to see is those two trying to hurt each other as the series goes on, because as much as I’ve got my money on the Viking, Hank has a history of back spasms that I’d like to keep as history.

And I don’t know. I sort of expected more violence against Hossa. I know there was some, but I was sort of hoping that their retribution-anger would have distracted them from the game, like it did Chicago. Like taking stupid penalties and going WHAAAAREVENGE!! instead of I am going to force him toward the boards and pass the puck across ice to the neutral zone. Maybe tomorrow.

The internet finally worked...after a day and a half...

So there's not much going on with the Red Wings, in terms of breaking news at least. Rafalski and Draper are still out with what I'm guessing is exploding chicken pox, and Andreas Lilja still isn't close to playing yet.

Game three is tonight in Anaheim, and judging from the last two, it's going to be gross, but entertaining. Personally in the playoffs, I'd prefer boring games that lead to shutouts for Ozzie and don't make me want to pull out my hair. But in reality, that will never happen.

So here's hoping that the Wings can get a win tonight an pull ahead in the series. Really, really, hoping. The less we have to hear their horrible goal horn, the better (I swear it's the most annoying noise in hockey other than the Dallas Star's "One Minute" announcer). I'm thinking a ten'o'clock coffee run may be in order for the next two games. Who came up with the idea of different time zones, anyway?

Quack quack

Ducks in the second round.

I'll be honest, I have special secret reasons why I was hoping Anaheim would take the first round. And it doesn't have anything to do with having an excuse to get more use out of that masterful ms paint portrait of Chris Pronger.

Lindsay's excited to see how Ken Daniels' playoff beard has been progressing. He's like My Littlest Hobo out there.

This entry doesn't sound very enthused. That's because I'm not enthused. Should I be? Are you? Maybe it's because I haven't gotten to watch the Red Wings play hockey in five thousand years but Lindsay's had Versus running in the background 24-7 and Brian Engblom's hair is stealing all the joy and happiness and puppy dogs and unicorns puking rainbows from my universe. Maybe it's because the Ducks make me want to punch babies. Maybe it's because it's after one in the morning and I'm full of junk food and I've been sorting coins all fricking day in a house with no air conditioning and crappy internet.

I guess I'm just worried that this next series will suck hard. Not because I don't think the Wings can make the Ducks curl up in their locker room stalls and sob quietly to themselves, but because I'm worried that it could eventually come down to injuries. And the Red Wings have some. Maybe.

Maybe.

Because it's the playoffs, it's a secret. Kris Draper's still out with food poisoning, or temporary blindness, or chaffed nipples, or something, we don't know. And I guess Hank has the flu now, but in the playoffs that could mean anything from a bad hangnail to "my arm is on backwards and my femur is poking at my spleen."

And the Ducks have a history of being skanky.

I'm sure I'll feel better about it in the morning.