Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Canadian media needs to CALM THE HELL DOWN

This morning I put on CBC news. It spent two minutes on the Toyota recalls, and then brought in an actual sports psychologist to spend a half an hour talking about what Sidney Crosby needs to do to beat Ovechkin in their Olympic death match. They brought up how hard it was to beat the US, and the following words were actually spoken -

"Well at least we'll always have curling." Implying, I guess, that somehow another loss to the US would mean they didn't have hockey anymore.

And on the one hand, I want to tell them that it shouldn't matter who wins what at the Olympics, they still have hockey because their country honestly loves it, north to south, east to west - the United States has hockey on what really amounts to a state-by-state basis. It would be a pride thing for them to win, bragging rights, but it would be about the sport. Most Americans (but probably not the ones reading this blog) don't care if the hockey team wins, just that they beat all the other countries in everything. The sport doesn't matter to them, the smug sense of satisfaction that they get by being reaffirmed of their overwhelming superiority above all other countries (especially the stupid, over-polite, maple-sucking, socialist lumberjack host nation) does. (Case in point.)

Maybe that'll happen. Maybe Canada will lose on home ice and go home ashamed, and maybe it'll even be to the US and we'll be terrible and very stereotypically United States about it. I'm not going to apologize for my country's team doing better in the tournament.

And I shouldn't have to, because the state of Canadian hockey isn't at risk here. Canada's not always going to win gold in the Olympics, because international competition is a recipe for sheer ridiculousness. And even if they don't even make it to the podium, they'll still be ahead of everybody for medals historically.

So if you're a Canadian and you're reading this, and your country walks away from these games with less than gold, don't let it destroy your existence. The winners will have their medals, yes, and four years of bragging rights, but you'll still have kids out in backyard rinks from the end of school until sundown. And if you're less disappointed that the team lost than you are damn sick and tired of your southern neighbor's superiority complex (which is what I actually think is going on here), then just come out and say that. If our government didn't bomb France for calling us out for being assholes, we're sure as hell not going to bomb you. You're on the same continent. We could contaminate our own water supply.

On the other hand, that comment was an underhanded slight at the US men's curling team, and I sort of want to smack that woman for making John Shuster cry.

(And as a disclaimer, I love Canada, and the game last week was a real conflict of interest for me. I don't know why I rant at four in the morning. I'm going to get ten comments on this calling me out for fallacies in my logic that quote papers on the politicizing of sporting events in international competition, and then Puck Daddy's going to link to me, and every time he does that somebody calls me a chach.)

Friday, February 19, 2010



Because if the crappier hockey players get a 2-week vacation, the crappier bloggers should too.

Go team... uh... go everybody.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

So... how about those glass ads?

On the one hand, I'm sure I'll get used to them, and until Sam Bernstein (and I don't doubt this day is coming) pays for the rights to stick his face up behind the goalies during a game, I guess I can deal. Better than on the uniforms.


Frankly, I'm sure if the Red Wings were winning more than half their games right now, I'd have the energy to send myself into a sufficiently frothy rage at today's over-bombardment of advertising and how I hate the way it's snaked itself into the fabric of modern professional sporting events, but the frustration of another shootout loss has sapped me of the necessary energy. Be glad. It would have been like five pages long.

There's not much I can really say about that game at the moment. A heck of a game for a lot of players. I can appreciate Nabokov's epic performance, even if I wish it'd been a little less so. And the Red Wings attempted, for the most part, to play at least fifteen minutes of hockey in every period. Up until the shootout, it was a fun game to watch. And we got a point!

But, I don't know, the Wings sort of need a win right now. And I have a bad feeling that when I wake up in the morning, Lebda, Meech, Maltby, Ericsson, Miller, Eaves, Osgood, Zetterberg, Rafalski, and Lidstrom will have been traded to Atlanta for two third round picks.

Oh dear sweet Hockey Gods, have mercy on my soul for this sin I have committed - I forgot how awesome Franzen was while he was gone.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Darren McCarty makes everything better

Well, that was a... game. I guess. But I was probably setting myself up for disappointment. I've had this hope since October that when Franzen took to the ice again for a game there would be a flood of relief, a big flood, like the kind of flood that sweeps houses away and causes billions of dollars in property damage and untold emotional pain - the kind of flood where the government steps in to provide aid and talks about passing some kind of budget bill allowing for the funds to start building levies so it never happens again. Like one minute you're walking down the street, and then you're like "hey, what's that noi-" and then you're under like 20 feet of water. Relief water. Delicious relief water.

There was no sudden flood of delicious relief water. There was like... a relief water drinking fountain. And there was a line.

And now I'm cursed with the burden of having to compare every mustache I see for the rest of my life with The Mule's epic nose-beard.

I shouldn't be excited about the Red Wings "at least getting a point". Last season I was peeved when the team had the audacity to need to go through overtime and a shootout to beat St. Louis. Yesterday when they hit overtime, there was a fist-pump. And on top of everything, we had to watch the ridiculousness on Versus.

Except I think I can deal with Versus if Darren McCarty keeps being there. Franzen's return only reminded me of how injury-fucked this season has been, so Mac was really the high-point of the night. He seemed a lot more relaxed than the first time he showed up on Versus, and he broke rule number one of unbiased commentating when he proclaimed his undying loyalty to The Organization.

Also, he giggled like a fifteen year old boy when Bill Patrick said "Speaking of enormous loads...", which really made me feel better about giggling like a fifteen year old boy myself. And might have made me giggle harder.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Seriously, Kenny?

Wings trade Ville Leino for Ole-Kristian Tollefsen and a 5th round pick in 2011 (which which, presumably, they'll pick Henrik Zetterberg's superstar successor).

Um... ok, I knew somebody had to go, maybe still more people, and Ville Leino was pretty damn high on everybody's hypothetical/prospective chopping block. You know, because he got scratched like every game. And his play... designated him semi-official fan scapegoat in Andreas Lilja's extended absence (don't worry guys - Lindsay saw him play in Grand Rapids last night - he's back to his shot-blocking, hard-hitting, questionable defensive choices self again).

And I'll miss him, because I was still holding out hope for him.

But who the crap is Ole-Kristian Tollefsen?

All we could find about him was that he was
  • a defenseman
  • a long-time Blue Jacket
  • Norwegian
  • incredibly injury-prone
I'm not really sure where Kenny's going with this. I really hope we just dealt Leino to get a guy, and not just took on a guy to get rid of Leino.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Groundhog Day

Today is that magical day when Bill Murray movies are showing on eight different channels and we wait with bated breath for an ugly rodent in Pennsylvania to tell us that it's spring everywhere except Michigan, where it's still going to be cold, bleak, and unfortunate until the middle of May.

still winter, bitches

On top of that, tonight the Red Wings play a west coast team until two in the morning, whereas tomorrow the Red Wings play a west coast team until two in the morning. And given what we've come to expect from the broadcast team at FSD... well, I'll be honestly surprised if we don't get at least three groundhog day jokes.

Heres hoping Todd Bertuzzi gets a birthday hat trick so that we can all go to Arby's and get some birthday curly fries.

And maybe I should clarify, because this seems to be happening a lot lately - if he does get a birthday hat trick, I want the Wings to keep the lead until the game is over. Not over like there's two minutes left. Over like all the players have retired to their respective dressing rooms and have disrobed and showered and are giving interviews to the assembled media. All the way over.

You listening Red Wings? You have to play the whole game until it's over.

Or you'll make me cry.