Sometimes my sister sends me emails at 1 a.m.

And then rants about things that have nothing to do with the Red Wings. It happens about three times a week.

Um, Dany Sabourin's with the Oilers. Mathieu Garon is riding lumber for Fleury now. It wasn't a straight up trade, either. They got rid of another prospect and another draft pick.

I see how the Penguins team-building system works now - assemble an above average team. Continually trade away YOUR FUTURE for players who rush in mid-year, make your team GREAT, then leave in July, forcing you to begin the cycle again. I can only imagine that Ray Shero, tired of dealing with scouting reports and rookies, just mails Wilkes Barre-Scranton season tickets out to every other GM in the league. All this can be yours... This spring, he hopes to deal the Baby Pens entire blue line and every pick of the 2012 draft for Ilya Kovalchuk (I'd die.) and a still ailing Marian Gaborik. Malkin cries tears of joy that he doesn't have to be a winger anymore, and Colby Armstrong gets a permanent glazed look over his face, is easily distracted, and doesn't score goals anymore. New Atlanta captain Slava Kozlov comforts him as best he can, in present tense and using few contractions.

Come summer, Ilya signs a 15 year, 28 billion dollar contract with the Oilers, and... Gaborik goes to Vancouver, just because it would piss off Minnesota's 8,000 fans, which would probably make things uncomfortable for the 10,064 people with too much time and money who go to watch hockey three times a week because the only other thing to do in that state is ship fish to Norway and count over-glorified ponds.

Armstrong goes back to the Penguins, along with Kari Lehtonen, who by now wants the hell out, because Garon's signed with the Red Wings; Jimmy Howard gets off the phone with Ken Holland and beats his head against the brick outside Van Andel Arena.

What's left of Atlanta moves to Winnipeg, where there is much rejoicing.

Yeah. She's a fan of the sarcasm.