Sweet Swedish retribution

The St. Louis game put us in a position where, for the first time either of us could remember, so long as no Red Wings left the ice dead or injured, or as long as they scored a single goal (that counted), we would be satisfied.

The realization that this was the point to which the season had sunken our spirits sort of made me want to throw up a little in my mouth.

Watching Todd Bertuzzi skate out on the ice to take the shootout made me want to throw up a lot in my mouth, and the awful sound of the puck hitting the post that I 100% expected to hear still sort of haunts my nightmares (and I actually like Todd Bertuzzi, so I don't want to imagine how horrible that moment must have been for the haters) even though he actually got the puck in the back of the net and I danced around the living room in happiness.

The Wings are still gunning for a home ice being-shut-out record of like ten thousand minutes though.

I'd post something relevant about tonight's game against the Dallas Stars, but all I have is a rant about how I want the Eurotwins back on a line together and a picture of Marty Turco shirtless. I'll post either upon sufficient request.

But if there's sufficient request for naked Turco, I might have to retire from blogging forever.

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Two games. 80 shots on net. No goals. The first double shutout since 1977.

What.

The.

Crap.

Maybe I should have been a little more specific when I said that I wanted to witness Red Wings history when I attended the only two games I was going to get to attend in probably two years.

I'm not really sure how this makes me feel. I don't know if I want to be angry, or if I want to laugh, or if I want to throw myself off the ambassador bridge, or maybe I want to do all three. I had the urge to do all three today, but I don't think jumping off a bridge while laughing angrily at hockey is quite the way I want to go. But I don't even have anything relevant to say about the game yet, except that it was ridiculous. I'm sort of too in shock right now at it having happened in the first place to form an opinion about it.

Seriously, what was that?

Remember how Lindsay wanted to corner Jarome Iginla in an elevator and give him a swift kick in the shins for his team's past transgressions before tonight's game? Her blind hatred of the Calgary Flames has now crossed over into the realm of the comedic. I've spent most of the night whispering "Dion Phaneuf" from across the room and watching her face spasm with disgust.

It's funny in the same way that disallowed goals aren't.

Happy Thanksgiving

While I agree that the Wings could have played that game with a little more jump and eagerness, you can’t fault them for a lack of effort. 40 shots on goal and not a single one in Atlanta’s net? That Pavelec kid was kind of ridiculous, and I’m sure the save he made in the second period will be on all the week’s highlight reels.

This being Thanksgiving (unless you’re in Canada, then this being Thursday), here is a list of things I am thankful for:

-That at least nobody got injured in that game
-Henrik Zetterberg
-The infinite classiness of Wings fans, who gave a pretty earnest clap for Slava Kozlov’s second period goal
-East side accents. I know you have no idea what I’m talking about, because you can’t hear them, but trust me – milling around a building full of locals going ‘hockey’ this and ‘pop’ that after having spent the last four weeks up in the Grand Rapids area? It was heaven.

But this whole not winning thing? Sort of beginning to become an issue. Those two goals Jimmy let in last night could have been the softest two goals ever to have been scored in the National Hockey League, and I’d still have trouble faulting him for the loss because you sort of have to score at least once to win a game.

Yeah. Yeah, the Red Wings got shut out by the Atlanta Thrashers. The good news is that when you’re done puking about that, you’ll have more room for turkey.

At least we got to see Darren McCarty?

There's not really much to say about last night's game. The penalty kill sucked, Brian Engblom's hair sucked, the final score sucked, and as usual in Nashville, the fans sucked. Or I guess maybe they blew. Because god forbid Jordin Tootoo take a shift without the world being alterted. If I ever find myself in Nashville, I am marching into the Sommet Center with a jug of lighter fluid and a match, and burning everyone's train whistles. In a big, giant train whistle bonfire.

(yeah you best view that shit full-sized.)

I literally watched half the game on mute so I didn't have to listen to it. But the final fwa-eeeeet that they'd all make together as the superheated air of the whistle-fire blew through them? Would be worth hearing.

Also, after martin Erat's hat trick--- oh wait, he only scored two goals? So it wasn't a hat trick then? Well that's good to know. I guess I got a little confused from there having been more hats thrown on the ice for him than there were after Teemu Selanne's actual hat tick against the Wings last season in Anaheim. Maybe they just thought three goals for one team in a game or three points for one player in a game was a hat trick. That's an honest mistake that anyone could make.

I feel bad for the 8 or 10 Nashville fans that actually like hockey.

And things go from bad to good to worse

Well, the Wings managed to come out of that game with two points after giving up a 2-0 lead and forcing it to a shootout, which was sort of awesome because lately I just expect a ridiculous loss every time they step out onto the ice (it's hard to be disappointed when you keep expectations low). It was really nice seeing the Eurotwins back in their usual form. More importantly though, they came out of it with only five defensemen.



According to the Detroit Free Press, Kronwall will be out a minimum of two weeks with a sprained MCL. Wonderful.

This is the sort of thing where I'm not exactly sure where my opinion lies. On the one hand, the homer in me wants to call Ultimate Foul, ban Laraque from the league and put the Wings on the man advantage the full 60 minutes of our next eight games.

And then, rationally speaking, I don't really think there was any intent to injure, at least not injure seriously - hockey is by nature a dangerous game of centimeters and sometimes millimeters, where huge men go barreling across giant sheets of ice with knives strapped to their feet, knocking into each other at high speed, and not everyone can always pay attention to where every part of everyone else's body is at any given time, let alone the sticks they all carry, or the little fleck of rubber they send at each other in occasional excess of 100mph - unfortunate accidents happen (especially this season, it seems). And part of me is willing to just let this one go as an unfortunate accident. I don't really care if Laroque gets a suspension - I just want Kronner back.

Still. He didn't have to stick his leg out. He'd already just knocked Helm in the teeth - he didn't need to try to trip anyone. And now we're out another guy, for god only knows how long. Ugh. Laraque. You unclassy, whorish bastard. How dare you.

At least he's not out four months. I guess.

Puketastical (Link Updated)

I know that all signs point to this season being back-weighted on wins - surely we'll get more production when Filppula and Franzen come back from injuryland - but right now the statistics say that the Wings are on track to win 41 games this season.

And I'd really like them to aim a little higher than that.

The really frustrating thing is that they're not playing like complete shit in every game they lose, but they're losing them anyway. I feel like beating my head against a wall.

But I'm not allowed to hit walls on purpose. I crack enough drywall unintentionally.

To distract yourselves, go read an article about hat tricks and curly fries that yours truly was interviewed for.

Just your average referee rant

Well that was pukey. The Wings lost to the Stars 3-1, and as I'm sure all you who watched the game are aware, the score should have been 3-2.



Play whistled down? Intent to blow the whistle? Really? It took him over two seconds to raise his hand to his mouth? I don't even know. I could put some of the blame on Toronto for being lame, but I'm not. I'm putting it on Dennis LaRue. I will always put it on Dennis LaRue, because it's always his fault. Trisha said it best back in May:

"I hate Dennis LaRue. Every time I see a tiny man skate onto the ice wearing a striped jersey with a number 14 on the back, my stomach drops because I know I’m about to sit through at least sixty minutes of ridiculousness. I hate it. There are some refs in this league I give second chances to, allow occasional mistakes from, try to forgive a little even if I can’t forget (because we’re all human) – but Dennis LaRue is not one of those refs. I want to get him alone in an elevator so I can kick him in the shins more than I do Jarome Iginla."

As you can see, there's not much love going around Hockeytown Static for that man.

Besides that outrage, this game put back a lot of the worries that I had in the beginning of the season back in my head. It's not that this game was extraordinarily bad, but the Wings just didn't seem to have the same drive that they've had for the last few games. Maybe I'll just forget this game ever happened...

But at least I got to watch the game. Our dad is in Texas for a couple of day on a business trip, and he was happy the Wings were playing the Stars because then he would be able to still see the game. So he went back to his hotel room, and there was no game. Then he went to TGI Friday's, and still no game. Finally he went to a bar and asked the bartender if he could turn on one of the T.V.s to the game, and the bartender responded "Sorry but we don't have it. We don't watch a lot of hockey in Texas". I can't decide if this is funny or sad. Maybe it's both. Here's to hoping Friday's game against Florida is less painful to watch.

And they were the most delicious curly fries I have ever eaten

I almost thought the Arby's Curse truly existed. I remember reading somewhere that last season was the Wings' first hat-trick-less season since sometime in the mid-70s. Craziness.

Also craziness - Chris Osgood still has... whatever it is he's got. I don't know why fate is constantly conspiring to keep Ozzie a backup goalie.

And we're playing Dallas on Wednesday. A game against Dallas can get real ugly, real fast, even without a rookie goalie and a team riddled with injuries and illness. Especially now that Marty Turco thinks he can just waltz into Joe Louis Arena and win games.

Which is why we've sent our father, who's in Texas this week on business, on a secret undercover mission to sabotage the Dallas Stars.

So far he's had strong words with three people who look sort of like Mike Modano, and egged Steve Ott's next door neighbor's house.

We should have hired a professional.

Arby's here I come!

Wings beat Anaheim 7-4 in what ended up being one of the most exciting games that I've seen in a long time. And while thankfully Chris Pronger wasn't in this game, Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf are starting to get to be just as annoying. They're like your annoying little cousin at Thanksgiving dinner that just won't stop poking you because they think it's funny. Well, it's not funny and neither are their constant goals against the Wings.

This game proved that while the Wings still have a long way to go this season in terms of defensive brain farts (coughJonathanEricssoncough), hitting goalposts, and taking bad penalties, the future is still looking bright. Leino looked good, Helm looked, well... fast, and Jimmy now has a mastodonic 5 NHL wins. Also tonight was the first hat trick in over a year. Not that I didn't love Hossa, but he apparently missed the memo on how to put the third puck in the net and just ended up being the ultimate roastbeef tease. Not Henrik Zetterberg. Nothing will be as sweet as walking into Arby's tomorrow holding the boxscore and asking for free potatoes. It's taken a freakishly long time, but it's here now.