Chicago... blegh

Tonight, on a very special episode of Hockeytown Static, we talk about a disease which has affected the lives of billions of innocent children worldwide – cooties.

Because today, the Wings begin a series with a team that has two of the most cooties-positive players in the entire NHL – Chris Versteeg and Patrick Kane.

Kane at least seems to have gotten his under control enough that at least they don’t show up on his face anymore. He may beat the disease yet. Versteeg sings Fergie songs on camera.

I’d run from either of them on the playground.

The Wings had a hard enough time not catching anything from Corey Perry and Rob Neidermayer the last seven games. (I know how old Rob Neidermayer is. I don’t care. I know cooties, and the man has them. He probably caught them from Corey.) Their immune systems are tired. Pavel hasn’t scored in a thousand years. Abdelkader is busy fighting off the last of his own cooties. I don’t know how long they can keep this up.

No, seriously though, I’m not looking forward to having to watch 4 to 7 Blackhawks games.
- Their team is gross
- Joel Quenville is a major tool
- I’m actually not kidding about Kane and Versteeg having cooties.
- Scottie Bowman told them all our secrets
- My mom thinks Nikolai Khabibulin is cute (THAT CONVERSATION WAS AWKWARD)
- Did I mention the cooties?

There hasn’t been a single game against them this season that didn’t make me want to throw up a little, even the ones the Wings won. I hope this series goes fast. And in the Wings’ favor.