Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Making Fun of Partick Roy

The day of game 4 of the 2008 Stanley Cup finals, our parents came home from an epic garage sale with a box full of hockey. Hiding among the dust was a plastic figurine of Patrick Roy.

Hey, ladies...

Despite our initial reactions (Lindsay didn't want to touch it, and Dad suggested we finally become real men and learn to melt things in the sun with a magnifying glass), because it spent games four and six in the living room in front of the tv (and game five hiding in the basement), it was spared certain death and bodily mutilation based on the fact that it must somehow be a luck talisman.

This hasn't stopped us from subjecting it to deep psychological and emotional torture. Jersey alterations took place sometime between the refrigerator prank and the catnip incident.



I tell you all this, because around our household, this week is known as "Make Fun of Patrick Roy Week", commemorating the time that Patrick Roy got his ass kicked by a midget, then a year later tried to redeem himself by fighting what looked like a fifteen year old boy and still had a hard time just holding his own. Because we think this side-plot to the McCarty/Lemieux battles is hilarious, we'd like to present you with -


Five other things we'd pay to watch Patrick Roy fail to fight:

5. A giant spider

Because who isn't afraid of giant spiders? They're terrifying. Even if you're not afraid of regular-sized spiders, you're scared of giant spiders, just based on the fact that THEY CAN EAT YOU.

4. Al the Octopus

Clearly, Al wins this battle.

3. Unicorns

Yeah, they may look innocent, but those things are out for blood.

2. Valtteri Filppula

I'd say Val winning any fight (especially by executing some sort of flying punch finishing move, as depicted above) would be a stretch, but a minute ago there were unicorns, so I'm going with it.

1. Jimmy Howard and his magnificent face-grabbing glove


They all said I was crazy when I bought this from Hockeytown Authentics last summer, but I knew. Oh, I knew.

Sometime during this photo shoot, my mom came out to see what I was doing and looked ashamed, because I'm 23 years old and was basically spending a Saturday afternoon in the backyard playing with my toys instead of doing something useful with my life, but if just five people read this and laugh once, then it was totally worth it. May the legend of Patrick Roy ride on.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awesome. I'd say a Saturday well-spent.

Camping Jason said...

This is full of win. Saturday well spent.

ChristineRWBNB said...

Fabulous. Watching little Mikey Vernon beat the crap out of Roy has always been among my favorite moments of that event. I'd say your efforts on Saturday were ENTIRELY worth it.

Rob R said...

This is awesome.

Sara said...

Everything about this makes me lol.

raputathebuta said...

This seriously made my day. THANK YOU!!!!

cmk said...

I'm the 7th person to comment, so I would say your day was WELL spent. It did make me laugh.

Rob said...

I'm not good at math but 8/5 is good, yes?

Anonymous said...

Laughing here in Connecticut. Nice job!

Spencer said...

I lol'ed

Ellen said...

There are no words for how awesome this post is.

Triple Deke Staff said...

I don't know how to quantify how much this made me laugh, so I'll just haphazardly throw out the number 86. I laughed an 86. The "I'm 23 years old" part made me laugh like a 117 by itself, or thereabout.

Baroque said...

Being gored by unicorns is worse than being gored by bulls in Pamplona, because no one will believe you. :)

thepimpinpope said...

epic post!!!

future considerations for your pattycakes death-matches...find a napoleon dynamite figurine, also i've a go-go yubari action figure i'd happily donate to the cause!

LONG LIVE 33 (so he can live a long life of shame and humiliation!!)

Chrissy's Blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RWH said...

This is exactly what I want out of a blog: Creativity!

The whole things wants me to make, like, a Claymation rendering of Fight Night at the Joe.

NIce job, and I totally encourage you to get weird again in the future.

Samantha B said...

Laughing in Nebraska.

jodi said...

Thank you!!! After seeing this I just had to drag my mom away from her computer to come over here and see what it was you posted. We both laughed so hard we cried. Even now I have a smile on my face. Thank you so much for the great laugh.