Wednesday, February 18, 2009

This is a stressful time of year, all around

Franzen's back in for tonight. That's good, because apparently Nashville is putting Dan Ellis in net, and last season it seemed like Mule was the only one who could consistently score on him. As always, I'm hoping for the best, but expecting 60 minutes of unmitigated ridiculousness. That way, I'm never disappointed.

It's two weeks from the trade deadline, and everyone is freaking out over rumors. It's our policy at Hockeytown Static to not follow trade rumors until the trades have already been announced. In fact, if we accidentally stumble across one, we automatically assume that the exact opposite will happen. So, you know... if in a month Pavel Datsyuk's on the Penguins and Hudler's signed a 15 year contract, you heard it here first.

Actually, I'm worried about Hudler. Not that he's a shoe-in for a trade next week, or that if he ever does leave, the Red Wings won't be able to go on without him (because I'm sure they will), but that if he goes to another team, I don't think I'll be able to deal with my father.

I guess this is where I explain that my dad has the biggest man-crush on Jiri Hudler in the history of man-crushes on Jiri Hudler. His work computer background is Jiri Hudler. He uses his breaks to go online and look up pictures of Jiri Hudler. If he ever bought a jersey, the name on the back of that jersey would be Hudler. I get a phone call during games every time a goal is scored by Jiri Hudler. If asked, I'm not sure he wouldn't admit that he'd go gay for Jiri Hudler. If Steve Yzerman, Henrik Zetterberg, and Gordie Howe were hanging on the edge of a cliff and my dad could only save one, he would save Jiri Hudler.

He has a button pinned to the driver's side sun-visor in his car. This thing is about as big as your fist. Can you guess what's on it? It's not just Jiri Hudler.

It's Jiri Hudler and Jiri Hudler's REALLY BAD HAIR. I like Huds too, but this thing is terrifying. (especially in the dark, when you don't know it's there until it gets suddenly lit up by the headlights of the car behind you.)

If Jiri Hudler is ever not a Red Wing for any reason, the universe will implode. Now, I love my dad, but this year, the trade deadline is smack dab in the middle of my spring break. Do I think Hudler's getting traded? I have no idea. I am not Ken Holland. I don't pretend to know what he's thinking, which is why I try not to read trade rumors. I planned on spending the entire week asleep, but now there are no promises, and if I have to deal with my grieving, irrational father cussing out the Red Wings' front office the whole time, I might just stop watching hockey forever*.

(*this is a lie.)

So, Jiri? Do what you can to stay where you are. I don't want my father's evening news debut to be in a story titled "Crazed Man Attacks Wings GM with Baseball Bat." Although, if it is, I'll be sure to post a link to the youtube. "Yep, that's my dad. Trying to kill Ken Holland."


Anonymous said...

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